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WritersNotes.Net: Helping Writers Follow Their Dreams Through Information, Inspiration, and Encouragement!
A Fun Tool for the Guilt-Ridden Overworked Blogger
Karen Swim, at Words for Hire, recently penned an entertaining post, in which she introduced a fantastic tool for lazy…er, busy…bloggers who are willing to refrain (for at least a little while) from taking themselves—and life—too seriously. (To be perfectly accurate, she has partly penned and partly generated this post.) To see what I mean, check out Lazy or Creative? and prepare to smile.
Karen's post introduces an eminently—OK, amusingly—helpful standby for the blogger who may be having trouble keeping up. It's an automatic blog post generator that can help you easily (and often quite humorously) explain/apologize to your readers for your inexcusable blogging lapses. (It's about time someone thought of this!) With my own practically non-existent blogging schedule lately, I feel eminently qualified to take full advantage of this tool. (In fact, I thought that two apology posts created with this software would be the least I should offer my loyal, longsuffering readers, who certainly deserve two posts—and, at the absolute minimum, two apologies—for dealing with the dearth of content here at Writer's Notes lately). So, here goes!
This Lazy Busy Blogger's Automatically Generated Posts:
My first, more down-to earth, conservative version follows:
Goodness Gracious I just discovered I have not updated this since they invented sliced bread...You would not believe I spend all my time in front of a computer. I hope you still love me!*
I am absolutely consumed with work, personal projects, (and) just generally being a slave to society in general. (M)y day is full to overflowing from dawn to sundown and beyond. I am not complaining though. (But) I need a nap.
I won't promise anything to you, but I will make more of an effort to blog more often. Well, I'll try. What do you mean you don't believe me?
And here's my slightly zanier, or rather far more literary [cough, cough], version:
Abject apologies! I just opened mine eyes, and lo! I have not updated this since long before Shakespeare wast a boy...You would not believe my anguish at my misdoings. I prostrate myself in sorrow and beg thy forgiveness.
I am absolutely consumed with discovering time doesn't stand still, hoping you haven't found other blogs, (and) just generally being a doormat to my cats. (M)y day is passing in a blur from (the time) the light through yonder window breaks to whenever (I get finished). I am not complaining though. (L)ife is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you're going to get.
I declare solemnly I will try to remember my blog password more often in future. Truly! Unless of course the pool with the cocktail bar is heated!
Why not drop whatever you're doing and drop by The Lazy Bloggers Post Generator, where you can turn your blogging guilt into blogging fun!
Enjoy!
Jeanne
*In the interests of proper usage, I've made slight grammatical and punctuation changes to the two posts generated by the above tool. Added words and capitalizations are enclosed in parentheses, though I've taken the liberty of not indicating punctuation changes (which would have been awfully cumbersome--not to mention downright boring).
Did you enjoy this post? What do you think of such all-in-fun lapses in serious content posting? Do you consider this tool a dream-come-true for the busy (or lazy) blogger, or simply a way of letting off steam, eliciting a smile from readers, or assuaging a blogger's guilt when circumstances conspire against a regular blogging schedule? Perhaps a bit of all of the above? I'd love to hear your thoughts!
Please note: If the StumbleUpon and other social bookmarking buttons aren't visible, please click the "Add Comments" link beneath this post. Thanks!
September 22nd 2007 07:34
Alienation ABCs
I've been tagged by Yvonne Russell, at Grow Your Writing Business, to write a post giving my tips for making other bloggers hate you and driving your readers crazy. Check out Yvonne's own list in her highly entertaining post on the subject, Tips to Make Other Bloggers Hate You - Comment Crazy. I think you'll not only mentally savor the delicious dish of sarcasm she skillfully serves up, but that you'll also totally relate to the points she makes, as you recall some of your own blogging misadventures.
Are you back yet? Good! Didn't I tell you her post was great! And now, without further ado, I present my list of tips and techniques, which, if conscientiously followed, will help you successfully alienate bloggers and non-bloggers alike, causing them to avoid your site like the plague. (It's OK, though, because you'll be revealing your superiority in this way, which is critically important to you in achieving the greatness you obviously deserve.)
My List of Blogger Alienation Techniques
1. Whenever you visit another blog, look for as many errors as you can possibly find there and point them out publicly every chance you get. Be sure to leave them in comments, discuss them on other blogs, and even mention them in your own posts. (Better still, devote an entire blog post to them. After all, it's important for everyone to know that you knew they were wrong. And, of course, we all know that you've never made a mistake yourself.) Be sure that you don't contact the blog owner privately when the error is significant. He or she might think you were too unsure of yourself to mention it publicly.
2. Copy other bloggers' content and post it on your own blog, passing it off as your own, as often as you can. After all, similar content is floating around all over the internet, so no one will ever know. Since it happens often enough that two bloggers just happen to innocently write about the same topic--and sometimes even say much the same thing about it at roughly the same time, no one will be the wiser; and even if they are, they won't be able to prove a thing.
3. "Adopt" a breaking story that you read about on another blog, but don't give the other blogger credit as your source. After all, that blogger and blog are your competition. Who would expect you to credit your competitor with providing your "product" for you? And besides, if that blogger got the info from yet another blog (and was foolish enough to admit it--and link to the other blog, no less), what's to stop you from bypassing that blog completely and going back to the original source? And why shouldn't you? The original source is the one that counts, anyway. And who would know?
Besides, why gum up the works with too many links? (Everyone knows how time-consuming it is to create a lot of links.) And wouldn't things become too confusing with so many different credits? It's simply a more efficient method of creating blog posts--and it doesn't confuse your reader with too many facts!
4. Never write posts on your own blog either commending or recommending other blogs or bloggers. That should be your regular rule of thumb. It's a sure way to lose your readers to them! By writing posts that highlight the knowledge or expertise of other bloggers--particularly those in your own niche--you make yourself seem less knowledgeable or talented than the blogger you are plugging.
And by sharing "link love" with other bloggers, you are laying out the red carpet--or is it the "flying carpet"--that makes it devilishly easy for your readers to "fly the coop." Wouldn't you much rather have a captive audience--to the extent that that's possible on the internet, anyway. (Since it's already so easy for readers to click away from your page, why make it any easier for them?)
5. Always be argumentative and unpleasant when leaving comments on others' blogs. Forcing bloggers to defend their positions regularly will keep them on their toes. (They'll thank you one day.) And, if nothing else, when they've deleted your comments as spam, you can go around bad mouthing them behind their backs--which should obviously make you look better, while casting doubt on their sense of fairness in refusing to air honest debate on their blogs. In fact, be sure to be downright rude every chance you get; it will show them who's really in charge, earning you their deep, if grudging, respect.
6. Never recognize, appreciate, or thank your readers, even when they leave comments on your posts--and especially when they are other bloggers who leave comments on your posts. In fact, don't even bother to reply to their comments. After all, you've already given them enough by deigning to share your extreme wisdom with them via your sterling blog posts. The least they can do is comment, after all you've done for them!
Are You Ready to Take Charge?
Well, my list is a trifle shorter than Yvonne's was: only six items here. But, I think I've covered each tip fairly extensively, so I'll let it go at that. I'll leave it to you to decide whether or not you have what it takes to be a take-charge blogger--a blogger who knows exactly what's required to show the world who's the best: YOU!
Do You Have Any Alienation Inducing Tips to Share?
I won't tag any specific bloggers to write on this topic, but I will invite any who would like to write about it to feel free to do so. (If you do, be sure to let me know in comments and link to this blog post.) Anyone else who has any tips on this topic is also welcome to share your ideas with us in comments. We'd love to hear them!
Satirically yours,
Jeanne
Did you enjoy this post? Have anything to add? Any questions? Feel free to comment!
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