My Journey to Becoming Positively Me
November 26th 2007 21:13
A Thoughtful Post That Strikes a Chord
Successful Blog's Advice for a Successful Life
Liz Strauss has a new post on her blog today called Positively Me, and it positively struck a chord with...me. In fact, it got me thinking about the amazingly potent effect that mindset exerts on all of us and how daring to break the mold of our past self-limiting thought patterns can be incredibly freeing.
This post describes a journey from limiting thought to freeing thought—a journey that every one of us is free to take once we've made up our minds that the place where we are today is not the place we want to be—or rather not the place we're willing to stay—but we're ready to move on. As Liz asks, "Do I have to keep listening to those ideas? Do I have to keep believing them?" The answer, I think, is "No." Here's my journey:
My Journey to Becoming Positively Me
Choosing Hurtful Emotions
I used to believe that other people—through their attitudes, actions, emotions, and words—had the inalienable right to dictate my own. Where that belief came from, I can’t really say. But, thankfully, I’ve learned a lot since then. Yet, I needed to walk that road just long enough to begin to see, with gradually increasing clarity, that my own attitudes, actions, and words—as well as my very emotions—were largely mine to choose, and that I myself had chosen the hurtful, destructive, and limiting ones over the healthy, nurturing, life-affirming, and freeing ones.
Absorbing Negative Energy
Prior to my “awakening,” my emotions were at the beck and call of anyone who saw fit to wreak psychological havoc on the closest vulnerable individual—who usually happened to be me. In those days, my entire day could be ruined by an unkind word, an angry glance, an “intentional” slight, or a sullen silence. My calling in life seemed to be to absorb and internalize the negative energy that others sent my way. (As I think back on it now, I realize that much of that negative energy wasn’t even intended to wound, but was simply the other person’s reaction to his or her own internal struggles or problems.) Yet, it rarely occurred to me to question the reason for it; I was far too busy embracing and reacting to it—far too involved in making it my very own.
A Turning Point: Refusing Negativity
When it finally came, the wonderful realization that I could choose my own response, that I wasn’t required to become upset, depressed, or angry when a hurtful word—or even a whole barrage of them—was aimed my way, felt like a cool breeze on a stifling hot desert. It freed me to focus on growth instead of nurturing resentment, depression, and anger—those incredibly destructive forces that suck the life from our souls and cause our spirits to shrivel. It allowed me to refuse that bundle of negativity that had been so unceremoniously thrust upon me—granting me permission to return it unopened to the individual to whom it rightfully belonged, thereby maintaining my own equilibrium amid the threatening storm.
I learned that it was indeed possible to rise above the negativity—to stop allowing it to become my negativity. By stepping back and looking at the situation as it actually was—recognizing it as someone else’s problem fast threatening to become my own—I was able to refuse it, retain my dignity, and restore my self-respect.
Learning to Forgive
Another amazing result of my new perspective was my growing ability to empathize with the troubled souls who, in their own weakness and inability to properly handle their personal problems, try desperately to give them away. In time, it even helped me to forgive and eventually reach out to those who, as a result of their own emotional ineptitude, had lashed out in different ways. Forgiveness is life-changing, and in human relations, at least, can be far more beneficial to the forgiver than to the forgiven—though both often benefit.
A Shift of Focus
I now realize that, back then, my focus was turned totally inward on myself—on my own very vulnerable emotions. I walked around in a state of hyper-sensitivity, effectively daring everyone to probe for the chinks in my emotional armor—my all-too-numerous points of insecurity—and amply rewarding them whenever they did.
But I have since learned that, by shifting my focus to the other person and attempting to understand the real cause of his or her negative attitude, I can effectively take control of—and thereby protect—my own emotions. I've discovered that, by not aggressively defending my emotions, I have quite ironically become far better at protecting them. In this way, I've learned to take charge of a situation that previously had always threatened to spin wildly out of control. I now experience far fewer feelings of defensiveness, insecurity, and low self-esteem. And while I’ve by no means eliminated these feelings entirely, I’ve come a very long way…and I fully intend to continue improving…just a little bit more…every…single…day…
How about you?
Positively happy to be me,
Jeanne
P.S. Why not use Liz's post as your starting point for a writing exercise of your own in which you explore one way your thoughts have changed for the better over time, bringing you positive growth.
This is not a sponsored post.
Did you enjoy this post? Have anything to add? Please feel free to share your thoughts!
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Comment by Liz Strauss
Thank you for writing your experience. It's a wonder that's a gift to read. You are a testament to letting go.
I so appreciate your kind words.
Liz
Comment by Jeanne Dininni
Writer's Notes
Thanks so much for stopping by to read my post! I truly appreciate it! And thanks for the inspiration!
Jeanne
Comment by Lidia
Comment by Jeanne Dininni
Writer's Notes
Great to meet you!
Negative energy does seem to be so very easy to internalize, doesn't it? That's why it's so freeing to be able to let it go. It's as if a tremendous weight has been lifted from our spirits! I had the feeling many readers would be able to relate to the phenomenon!
Thanks for your input!
Jeanne
Comment by tlcorbin-raginravensview
Comment by Jeanne Dininni
Writer's Notes
I totally agree with you: growing and maturing is precisely what it is!
Thanks for sharing your "myopic" perspective!
Jeanne
Comment by Joanna Young
Joanna
Comment by Jeanne Dininni
Writer's Notes
Liz has a way of hitting the nail right on the head!
Thanks for your feedback!
Jeanne